Return to Oz

It's weird. There's so many changes in and around me and I can't quite find my footing yet. Even the simple act of going for a walk, and suddenly realising that the people are speaking your language, and that you have to relearn the art of not listening. For myself, I feel a little estranged, for the obvious reasons, I still haven't seen my family yet. The only family I've had close at hand for the last 15 months is somewhere in eastern Russia on his way home, where no doubt he will soon experience what I am now living.

I'm not trying to be melodramatic here, I mean I wasn't away for that long, and it's not as if I didn't have English-speaking friends. In fact due to my laziness, all my friends were atleast English-speakers, if not natives. So no, I haven't just emerged from deepest, darkest Asia with a head full of zen and a mouth full of sushi. The changes are more subtle than that, but they're there.

Being in Sydney is so strange, it's like coming home but not quite. Everything is familiar to an extent, but nothing has left me with a deep sense of remembering. Perhaps tonight will jolt me back, seeing old friends has always been a major comfort to me. However, to be honest, it also worries me. What if all I gleen from such encounters is envy at their successes, and frustration at my own lack of accomplishments, tinged with the anxiety that stems from having no fixed plan, or even tentative idea of my own. There's always time, I know that, of course there's time. The thing is that time is now propelling forward more quickly than I ever used to imagine it could.

Enough. I've longed to come home, it's wonderful to be back in the country I will always consider home, but it will take time for me to regain the perspective my recent introspection has cost me. That's all. I'm not complaining, and I'm trying to not to be meloncholy about the places (and people) I already miss so much. There's no point getting nostalgic, atleast not yet!

So bring on Australia and all it has to offer, and to all those for whom I still have the utmost respect and love, fingers crossed I'll see each and every one of you sooner rather than later!